We all come to a point in our lives, like in the movie “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” where we lose sight of who we are. Life has a person in so many different roles, such as a parent, employee, and spouse, we tend to lose “us” in being there for others. Although Stella got her groove back by meeting a man 20 years younger than her, how do we know that Stella’s groove will stay? Stella still had some matters that she needed to clear up before taking a vacation to Jamaica. Taking a vacation is a temporary fix, and when you come back, all the problems are still there waiting on you.
To start working on your groove, you must first clear out the garbage holding you back from being happy. When I say garbage, I mean the emotional matters in your life that hold you back from enjoying your life. If you are having a hard time forgiving someone from your past, this is an emotional problem that must be dealt with before moving forward in your life. Holding on to anger is like walking around with an anchor attached to your heart. Any opportunities that come in your direction will be overlooked because you are still anchored to the past. In the book “In the Meantime” by Iyanla Vanzant, she discusses how we have to start in the attic of our mind, to the basement of our minds.
Physical matters can also hold us back from getting our groove back. Say that you have been procrastinating on cleaning your garage. The more you think about doing it and not taking action will hold you back. Stella worked at a very profitable job in the movie, but the stress was overwhelming. Her dream was to build furniture, and she wasn’t doing anything to make her dream a reality. Very few people realize that the things we don’t do will drain us more than we physically can handle. As long as you procrastinate, this brings your energy level down and eventually makes it even harder to get accomplished. Your subconscious starts accusing you of being lazy, and after a while, you really begin to believe what your mind is telling you is accurate. You have to start taking baby steps to get back into action to feel better about yourself. If you have a dream on hold or something you need to accomplish, then take a certain amount of time every day or once a week to achieve whatever you want. You will see that you will feel a rush once this matter is complete.
Once you have cleared up the garbage, it is time to work on yourself. Now is the time to give yourself special attention and figure out what makes you happy. During this period, you would be required to regularly do something special for yourself. I take every Thursday as my day for me, and on this day, I order carryout for the children, and I do whatever brings me joy. If it is just reading a book, I do on this day to give myself special attention.
Another thing you will have to consider is eliminating people from your life that don’t enhance your life. If you are in a relationship that you are doing more giving than receiving, this may be a matter to re-evaluate. I am not speaking only about romantic relationships. This can also cover friends and family. Sometimes people have a tendency to take your kindness for weakness. As long as you don’t set boundaries with these people, they will take and not give. You deserve better! You have to realize that you have the right to be selfish. If you don’t give yourself special attention on a “regular” basis, who will? You have to learn to say no. If you don’t want to do something or don’t have time to do something, simply say no. You don’t have to do anything in life that you genuinely don’t want to do except maybe pay taxes.