Suppose you’re single (like me); even though you’d rather be part of a couple, you may be too picky. While having standards is important, some men and women sabotage their love lives by being too selective. I think I fall into this category. My Mom tells me that if I want a man, I need to be more open and less picky.
Fundamentally, knowing where to draw the line on being picky is an individual matter. Maybe you’re eager to marry and have children. On the other hand, perhaps you’d be just as happy being single for life as long as your relationships are caring and rewarding. Maybe you have set goals in your life, and a relationship can be a distraction.
It’s up to you to figure out your dating needs and destination. Meanwhile, use these suggestions to stop excess pickiness from interfering with your journey.
Holding Onto Healthy Pickiness
1. Gain Experience - Dating allows you to see what your options are. You learn about yourself and your potential partners by sampling some variety. Be open to unlikely possibilities as long as you’re true to your core values. I am learning that there is no “perfect” match and know that it’s dating, not a relationship right off the bat.
2. Heal Old Patterns - Solitude can help you sort out issues that drew you into destructive connections in the past. Take time out from dating if you need to reflect. I meditate more and take more time for myself. I don’t let old relationships dictate my future relationships. You can’t date someone if you’re still holding on to the past issues. Work on you then you will be able to give another a fair chance.
3. Think Positive - It’s easy to get caught up with concerns about settling or missing out. Shift your focus so that you’re aiming for a fulfilling love life instead of feeling anxious about whether you’re living up to social expectations. We all know that that grass is not so green on the other side. Social Media will have you thinking that the majority of relationships posted are perfect. NOT! Be concern about yourself and leave social media out of your relationship.
4. Focus on Internals - Kindness and generosity matter much more than annual salaries or pretty faces. Evaluate your criteria.
5. Set Priorities - The longer your laundry list, the harder it is to find a partner. You can marry someone compatible with the essential items and then play golf with a friend. Side Note: Stop thinking that your mate needs to spend every waking moment with you. As long as there is trust, you both should be able to enjoy time away from each other. No trust. Evaluate your relationship.
Letting Go of Less Healthy Pickiness
1. Understand Your Motives - Ironically, some singles have a rigid type, but they have trouble describing what it is. Gaining insights into your reasoning will empower you to make more deliberate choices.
2. Face Your Doubts - Silly deal-breakers can be a way of avoiding intimacy. If you’re rejecting anyone who doesn’t have an Instagram account, you may want to examine how you feel about getting close to others.
3. Review Your History - How can you tell if you’re too picky? Count how long it’s been since your last date, or ask yourself if you regret turning down some of your past suitors.
4. Accept more invitations. You can still turn over a new leaf. Say yes when someone asks you out to dinner or go to the next cocktail party that your friends arrange. I am trying to accept (if asked) more invitations. That’s a part of doing something for me.
5. Ask Your Friends - Speaking of friends, they may have given up on you if you were unenthusiastic about their past attempts at matchmaking. I know my friends have pretty much given on me. But, let them know you appreciate introductions and moral support. Please encourage them to give you feedback while you’re trying to become less critical.
6. Be Flexible - How specific is your checklist? You’ll have more options if you search for someone athletic instead of insisting that they win an Olympic medal.
7. Stop Watching Movies - While you don’t need to give up streaming, you may want to cut back on romantic comedies or at least watch them with them a more discerning eye. I do love romantic movies, and I do sometimes fantasied about my perfect love story. Distinguish between Hollywood stereotypes and reality.
8. Suspend Judgment - You may have instant chemistry with a soul mate, or it may take a while to surface. Resolve to go out on at least three dates before deciding whether to continue seeing someone. Listen to your heart instead of your fears. You deserve a loving relationship that lives up to your expectations, and you can strengthen your chances of success by making those expectations clear and reasonable. Be picky about your top priorities, and let the small stuff go.
I hope this helps. I will let you know how it turns out for me.