Soooo let me tell you about my weekend. I had a date this weekend. Yes. A real date. Because of society's current situation, I opt for my date to come over to my apartment. The plan was to hang out, get something to eat, watch movies, listen to music and do whatever. No worries. I know this person pretty well. So felt safe. But the date did not happen. Yes. I was stood up. Not a very good feeling, but happy that it happened. Because the same person stood me up before, fool me once, it's on you, fool me twice it's on me: three times and Im asking for the hurt. Let's start from the beginning.
At the beginning of the year, I send out Happy New Year texts to those on my phone, as I do every year. This person sent back a text as well. Then he sent more texts, which ended up in phone conversations, which led to him asking for us to hang out. I said yes. We planned our date for Saturday night. Come Saturday, I get up, have breakfast with my family, and do some shopping. While shopping, he calls to see if we are still on. Yes. 8 pm. I will send my address again, which I will do about 4 pm. I should have known something then because I did not get a response back.
I get home, do a little straightening up, take a shower, put on fresh clothes, and order pizza and wings. I was preparing for what I thought would be a welcoming and entertaining night. Food is delivered at about 9 pm, and I haven't heard from this guy. It's 10. and I still haven't heard from him. And truth be told, even if I had, I would not have answered the phone. Now, here's the kicker; it's Sunday evening, and I still haven't heard from him.
Fool me once...he has done this before. About a year and a half ago, we were to hang out; then, it was on a Sunday. I was doing Grubhub, and he wanted to ride along with me. While driving, we had good conversations and remembered the past. He told me about his uncle passing away and showed me an obituary. The day we were to go out, he called me and said he couldn't make it because his uncle had died. The same uncle showed me the obituary earlier that week. I didn't speak with him again until this year. Fool me twice; this one is definitely on me.
I sat and wondered why I even entertained the idea of going out with this guy. The answer is simple. It's been a long while since anyone has paid any attention to me. Well, at least someone I can at least tolerate. It felt good to have someone say nice things to me. Listen, I have learned to be confident and strong, but it's been years since I have had the company of a man and still haven't, not even in conversation. Maybe the loneliness is more than I can bear, and Im willing to get what I can get. Nope. Not at all. The lesson here is that most people don't change and grow up. They stay the same, and you need to know when to walk away.
Isn't it funny that you can want something so wrong, you are almost willing to compromise your belief and integrity, thinking that it may make you happy? But happiness The key to true happiness is discovering it in every moment, not waiting for it to arrive with the achievement of some future goal or future relationship.
How do we find happiness?
Stop chasing happiness.
Remove your barriers to happiness.
Practice looking inwards.
Build your self-esteem.
I don't need someone in my life to make me happy, and I have learned how to do that for myself. However, I want someone to share my life with, hopefully without drama and full of lies. I will have to stop chasing and wait for it to happen—the end. But I will continue to date.