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Finding A New Love

Couple on the beach
If it's us, then let it be us.

Making the decision to want a relationship, means you are ready to find someone you can possibly start a new life with. When you meet someone, sometimes there is that instantaneous connection, however sometimes it takes quality time to make that connection with them. At this moment, I am not connected…with anyone, and I don’t believe anyone is connected with me. If he is, then he should let me know. I haven’t been in a relationship for years now. It took me ten years to finally have sex again, and the way that's going, it may be another ten years, and at that time I will officially be considered old as dirt. However, I am still in the need of wanting a partner to share my life with, to argue with, to play with, to be quiet with and be challenged, but accepted for who I am.

Getting out there and looking is probably the hardest part. This is because there is always going to be the fear of rejection, and when you’re a black woman over 50, that fear is so real. Not all, but most men in my age group are looking for the younger version, putting a woman like me at the bottom of the list. But I have decided, that I will never find love or find a relationship if I don't get out there and try. If you are somewhat like me and find it hard to make connections, there are steps you can take to start a relationship. These steps apply for both men and women. Obviously getting noticed is a major step. Getting someone's attention can be easy, or it can be difficult. But the goal is to get yourself out there and start making connections.

The way you present yourself and the way you carry yourself plays a major role in getting someone's attention. Eye contact and flirting is one way to let someone know that you are interested in them. You can tell a lot about someone's interest by their body language. Learning about different body positions like how the other person is sitting can be a tell-tell sign that they are open and available. If you find someone that you lock eyes with and feel like there might be some sort of a connection, talk to them. You will never know if it's worth it, if you don't give it a chance and go for it.

I have liked and cared for someone for years and have never been able to tell this person how I feel. It may go back to fear, but in my case, I have made somewhat bad decisions in my life that keeps me from spilling my guts to him. So, if I could give one recommendation or one word of advice it would be this, “never live with regrets and what ifs”. It’s a worse feeling than fear.

If there is someone you are interested in, here are a few tips to get you started. Do see where this person interest lies with you. Start up a conversation and see where it goes. Don't over share. Keep it simple. If the person is showing interest, their body language will change. They will become more open and comfortable. If they stay stiff or not participating in the conversation, this might not be the person for you. But at least you will know and not live with “what if”. If your interaction goes well, it's not out of the question to ask them if they would like to meet up later to continue the conversation.

Women don't be scared to be the one to ask. It’s not always the man’s move. You aren't living in the times anymore where it was not proper to make the first move. We live in a time where it's acceptable to make the first move, and men, if you are interested, show the person that you are. Maybe the person I like, likes me and he’s shy or don’t know how I feel, then me making the first move will give him the go ahead.

If you find that you are more of a shy type, it may be time to start trying things that are a little outside your comfort zone. There is nothing wrong with having what men like to call a “wing man”, or for women this obviously means having a friend tag along. You can put together a small party and invite the interested party. You can put together a group getaway. There are so many things you can do, you just have to step outside the box.

Sometimes it’s easier to meet people if you’re in a group setting. This goes for the shy types and even the confident types. Just getting out there is a huge step. It can take time to find a special someone or it can take a matter of days. Even the confident types find it difficult making connections, so if you think it's just you, it's not. We all have the friends that seemed to come out of nowhere with a relationship. This more than likely happened because they put themselves out there and took a chance. That's really what it's all about. Getting out there and taking chances. Do not settle. If you have found someone that you made a connection with, see where it goes, don't let it slip away because you feared the possibility of rejection.

Final Note:

Don't exert so much energy into looking for another person to complete you that you end up neglecting the most important relationship you will ever have in your entire life: the one you have with yourself. Remember that the person that comes into your life, my life, must challenge you to be better, but still love who you are.

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